Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Turning Inward

I love Fall.  I love how it slows down my life, as we stop scrambling to use all the daylight hours, complete outdoor tasks, travel and take advantage of all the things that are enjoyable in the summer months.  I love returning to the routine of "back to school."  Ask me in a few months, and I'm sure I'll be singing the praises of all things sunny, lazy and refreshing, but for now, I'm happy the seasons are changing.

With the change, though, I notice myself turning inward.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  There is much good that can come from slowing down, leaving the outside world outside ourselves, and focusing back in on oneself.  It allows me to revisit burning questions like, am I who I want to be?  Do the things in my life serve me or can I simplify?  Sadly, this self-evaluation always dissolves into an internal dialog of all the things I'm doing not well enough or downright wrong.

What starts out as healthy self-reflection quickly becomes a critical deconstruction of every matter I've ever undertaken.  It is in these moments that I feel the ground begin to fall from beneath me once again.  I am healthier than I have been in a long, long time and I am able to rationalize and to hang on, but I do get tired of the struggle.

And so today, and as long as I feel trapped inside my head, as the seasons change and the quiet of Fall sets in, I will hold on to these thoughts and work to challenge opinions that feel like truths:

"You're problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness."  Ram Das

"Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend."  Elizabeth Gilbert

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