Lately, I so often feel watched, bullied, and stalked. This is one of those stories where people will inevitably say "I would have felt the same way," and I believe it. These things are spooky. What frustrates me is threefold, first that I have so many of these experiences, second that I react so strongly that I can't breathe or can't talk about it, and last that it makes me want to hide out some place far, far away, not expose myself to the world, despite how healthy it feels to do so.
Is someone messing with me? Is someone laughing at me? Or, worse, is someone trying to harm me or my children? Or is it just the confusion in my mind?
Knowing that it is probably just in my head, I freaked out a little anyway today when I received a prospective client email. About ten years ago, I had a relationship with someone in another state, whose name we'll say is Jon Smith (this name isn't real). So, the request I get is from "Jon Smarth" with a telephone number from the same state that Jon Smith was from. The email address matched Jon Smith's former email, but with the new spelling, so for example, Jon.Smith@domain.com became Jon.Smarth@domain.com.
I have no reason to believe this person wishes me harm. I have no reason to believe that he's trying to contact me. I have no idea why he'd attempt to contact me this way. In fact, I don't know how he would have found me, as my name has changed. I have no real reason to suspect that someone else is posing as him to mess with me or to cause me harm. And yet, these are the first thoughts that go through my head.
I've done a little research and the telephone number left matches the name of "Jon Smarth," but the coincidences make me uncomfortable. This is what my life has come to. I'm afraid of the very things that could help me start fresh...