My mind has cleared and the fog that surrounded me has lifted. In its wake is a barrage of thoughts. Too many thoughts. For some reason, I seem incapable of a middle ground. Either I'm completely empty or there is too much, even in thought. Ironically, I think it's just a different version of the same thing. Before, I struggled to push through, talk about or deal with my depression and anxiety. Since that fog has left me, I am thinking about it, constantly. How is it affecting me? What has changed in the past nine months? When did I get like this? How do I avoid it? Will I see it in my children someday? Will I be able to help? Is it even real?
Being able to think and feel is a better place, I have no doubt. That still, stagnant place was lonely and dark. This place is twisting and spinning and swirling in a new way. I look forward to sorting these thoughts out, deciding who I am going to become and feeling the joy of the moments in my life.