It's like there is a disconnect from my mind to my body to my soul. My mind has ideas and feelings it wants to instill into my soul, through use of my body. Sadly, my mind can't convince my body to be consistent enough to impact my soul, which sits hollow. Something broke in me, probably a long time ago, probably as a result of a thousand hurts and disappointments and betrayals. Without realizing it, I think I wrapped my soul up tight, locked it in safe, and lost the combination. Absolutely there have been times where its light has burst through the cracks and I have felt whole and alive. Lately, my mind has missed the completeness that an unbroken, free soul brings to life.
I know I'm missing something, I just can't find it. And, to tell the truth, it's so much worse than those darkest days when I didn't realize that it, that I, was broken.