Friday, December 20, 2013

A bad, bad day

You know when you're always trying and trying and trying to make things right and somehow, something keeps slipping through your fingers?  That's a very frustrating feeling.  Until it's devastating.  Today was a day I was completely unprepared for.  It was a day I'm not sue I will survive.  It was a day that changed all of the choices I've made into avenues I had no choice but to take.  Today I considered dying for the first time in a long time.  It might be an easier outlet.  Don't panic.  I'm not planning anything.  I would never leave my children with that legacy.  I don't want them to ever feel like they weren't enough.

But I can't stop crying and I can't hide it from everyone.  So far I've hidden it from my children, but they'll hear someday how badly mommy failed.

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