The combination of taking better care of myself, taking medication, and deciding to stop practicing has done wonders for my depression. Although it hasn't helped my anxiety as significantly, I'm eradicating from my life many of the issues that plagued me, so my anxiety is inherently less.
But I still have the constant rumble below the surface. There is always the nagging sensation that something is wrong. It's in the phantom movements that always catch my eye. It's underlying every phone call I receive before I identify the caller. It's even present when I leave the house, worried that I'm going to run into someone who has it out for me. It is the threat that keeps me awake as I lay next to my sleeping children. I've found that, of all of the terrible things that have come out of this past year, the feeling that someone wishes to do me harm is the one that has taken root most deeply.
It's such a tragedy that this is what lingers as we move into the new year. I hope time heals this wound.