I'm happily counting down the hours to the New Year tonight, not for the champagne kisses at midnight or the night with friends, but for the end of this miserable, miserable year. The year started badly, the year went badly and although it hasn't ended as badly as all that, I'm ready for the shiny newness of January 1st.
I learned many lessons, most of which have me frightened of my own shadow...or shortcomings. I still can't drive by certain areas, hear certain names, watch certain commercials or see certain combinations of numbers without having a panic attack. I still can't work the way I always planned to. I am still not who I want to be, but I am closer. My hope for this new year is that I will get even closer.
I'm not a resolutions kind of girl. I never keep them and I just don't need one more failure this year to come. Instead, I'm doing a sort of "Happiness Project", not only to be happier, but to take a conscious role in my own life, relationships and joy. Outside of that, I'm vowing to be true to myself, to accept my mistakes, to forgive those mistakes, to set aside regret and to look to the moment I am in, rather than the moment to come or the moments passed. I look forward to a year of moments, a year of something new, a year of appreciation for all the wonderful things I do have, and I look forward to leaving behind a year of mourning, of regret and of failure.
2013 has died a slow, painful death for me. I'm looking forward to rebirth.