Friday, January 31, 2014


Every once in a while, there's something that touches my soul a little.  When I was younger, it happened all the time.  I remember leaving movies with my skin tingling, feeling like my life had changed for good.  I used to pore over song lyrics to find just the right reflection of my emotions at that moment.  Those experiences made me feel alive, which is probably why it's been a long time since I've felt that way.

I've had moments where I forgot all that goes on in my life while I spend two hours with characters in a movie or play.  I've fallen in love with a song here and there.  Unfortunately, now, most of those activities are distractions, more than experiences.  I'm so locked up inside that I'm either in my head, fretting, or I'm doing anything else, avoiding.  Sure, I laugh and cry at movies.  Yes, I sing along with music I listen to.  I enjoy them, but I haven't felt them, in a long time.  I've been frozen.

Imagine my surprise when all of this awareness was unlocked by the newest Walt Disney feature, Frozen.  I saw the movie with my kids last week.  It was done as well as Disney always does.  I laughed and cried and smiled at my children's joy during their first theater movie!  Because they are such big Elsa and Anna fans, pretending to be Elsa running away and Anna chasing, I bought them the soundtrack.  Kaia loves, "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" while Mikko's favorite is, "Let It Go."

I sing my littles lullabies before they drift off to sleep.  I have a wide repertoire of show tunes, from Les Mis to Chess to Lion King.  I'm always eager to add to the list and looked to the lyrics of "Let It Go," so I could sing it to their delight.

The first time I listened to all of the words of this song, I got choked up.  It's not a particularly amazing song, but it is powerful in its meaning when I applied it to my life.  "Couldn't keep it in / Heaven knows I tried . . . Don't let them in / Don't let them see / Be the good girl you always have to be / Conceal / Don't feel / Don't let them know . . . Well, now they know!"  "It's funny how some distance / Makes everything seem small / And the fears that once controlled me / Can't get to me at all."  There's more, but it's silly to share the whole song.  It won't mean the same to you as it means to me.

While the lyrics moved me, what was more important about the experience for me was the feeling.  I felt, and it was deep, and it changed me.  This isn't quite earth shattering stuff, but I got goosebumps and a shiver, and I felt something that wasn't fear or panic.  It was also an awakening.  I so often miss these things that I am emotionally capable of.  I feel so lost and dark so much of the time that I forget that I have these moments of great aliveness.  It was good to be reminded and in such a simple, easy way.

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